Love.

Tomorrow is one of my least favorite days ever. I feel this way for a few reasons. One, probably because I have never had a b/f on Valentine's Day...so each year I feel like it's really "Hey, I'm single" day. But I think that even if I had a b/f on this day I would still think it was silly. Basically it is a day to show the person you're with how much they mean to you... precious. However, shouldn't you show them how special they are and how much they mean to you every day... not just February 14th? Yes. Yes you should. Don't get me wrong, someday when I'm in a fantastic relationship, I'm sure that I will have way less hate for this day... but until then, Valentine's day can bite me.

Lately I've been thinking about relationships though. Since I was young, I've longed for the day when I get married and have children. And lately I've found myself wanting it more and more and just trying to wait on God's timing. But then I started to look at the people around me . Now, what I'm about to say is going to sound super negative and I hope that I am wrong. But when I look some of the people that I know that are married I see such unhappiness. And then I started reading some scripture on what marriage and relationships should be. And as I thought about this, I realized that I've never seen a healthy christian marriage on a daily basis. Sure I know christians that are happily married or at least appear to be. But none of the people that I spend most of my time with have the kind of christian marriage that I want. And please keep in mind, I'm not trying to judge them... people do the best they can. But this leads me to a big question... Is there such a thing as a happy marriage? A marital relationship that is what the bible says it should be? And I ask that hoping that the answer to both is yes... because if not, I've spend years aching for something that isn't real.

The hopeless romantic in me hopes that I am wrong. And that it's out there. But the realist in me worries there is no such thing. Now I know that no relationship is going to be easy or perfect. But I really feel like if I can't have the kind of relationship that the bible talks about... I'd rather be single. Yeah, for real.

Good thing I have this awesome God who is totally and completely in love with me. He loves me in a way that words cannot describe and in a way that I am totally and completely unworthy of. I need to spend more time falling in love with Him on a daily basis, and less time on things of this world.

indecisive.

I've never understood people who have a hard time making decisions. I remember from the time I was young getting annoyed as people would go back and forth trying to figure something out because neither would just make a decision. Even if I don't know for sure, I generally make a decision and then go from there. And when I do know what I want, I make the decision and I do my best to make it happen. There can be negotiation if needed, and I'm okay with it not being what I want.  I just cannot stand going back and forth waiting for someone to decide and move on. For example, an age old stress that I have been a part of... what to have for dinner? I remember as a child listening to my family go back and forth on cooking? Take out? or going out to a restaurant? Man on man, they would just go back and forth and because it's my family talk super loud in the process.... could we just decide and eat already? hah. That is just one example, this happens all of the time and it makes me want to yell... Maybe I need to work on patience..hmm.