Not okay.

I am going to go ahead and just be honest and tell you that I am not okay. Actually I am a total emotional wreck right now. I have known that soon I would have to start paying on my student loans. Today I called them, and well let's just say that I am royally screwed. I have one very large loan, and 3 smaller ones. The large loan wants me to pay 265 a month, and each of the smaller loans wants around 50... So we are looking at 415 a month... only I DON'T HAVE THAT. Oh and they are private loans, and chances are the interest rate will go up, and be even more monthly. The person that I talked to was super great, and nice which I was thankful for, but I feel like I am never going to get out of debt and that I don't have any solution.

I cannot afford that. And when I talked to my family about it their response was that I need to get a job that pays better. Or get a second job. And i know that both of those are probably true... but I'm not okay with giving up a job I love, and I can't imagine the amount of hours I would have to work in addition to what I'm already working....

I'm freaking out, and feel like I have no options. I don't know what I am going to do. And part of me is super annoyed at God...(even though I know that isn't okay). I feel like, He's called me into this field, shouldn't that mean that He will provide for me somehow??? ugh. I don't know. I'm a mess.

I could use some prayer, or encouragement, or if anyone reading this has $40,000 dollars sitting around, I'd take that too. Hah I wish.