God's plan, not mine.

My best friend recently shared a quote with me... and it really shook me. 
"Rise, O Lord, into Your proper place of honor, above my ambitions, above my likes and dislikes, above my family, my health and even my life itself. Let me decrease that you might increase; let me sink that you might rise above."-Tozer (The Pursuit of God)


When I first saw this, I read it and instantly began to meditate on it and apply it to my own life. I very quickly realized that though it was always my desire and intention, that I had never truly given my future and life to God. I've always known that God made me to do great things for Him and I've tried hard to be obedient to Him but never had I spoken those words (or anything close to it) and completely surrendered my life and my future to Him. I know that God has a plan for my life, and I truly believe that He is preparing me daily for what is yet to come for me. And I also believe that He has given me certain desires and wants because He is going to give them to me at some point. But all of that aside, I never really gave up all of my wants and expectations of this life to God. Well not until recently anyways. 


Sure, I have a long list of goals and wants for this life and they are all things that I would love. But they mean nothing if they aren't his plan for me. Honestly, I like to be in control of situations and of my life. And it's scary that by giving that to him fully, He could call me to do things or send me places that terrify me. But I'd rather be terrified living obediently, then content living luke warm. So here I am, giving up my desires, my ambitions, and really my life to God. I'm excited to see God use me in life. And I just keep remembering that I don't deserve to be used by Him. I'm not perfect by any means, and I stumble and fall, and yeah basically I suck. But he wants to use me, to use all of me, even my weakness... What an honor. 


With all of that being said, God is amazing and He blows me away everyday. The last few weeks I have spent lots of time resting, sleeping, and laying around. He turned me being super sick into lots of time for me to study His word and grow closer to Him. It is my desire to learn more and more about Him, and to be daily growing my relationship with Him. Glorious.