Seriously.

It's been a while. Christmas was here and left way too soon. I feel like it flew by even more this year than usual. For Christmas my sister and luke took the kids (and I) to the Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio. We left Christmas day around 2 and spent the night there, it was good times. Although I felt like junk the whole time, it was lots of fun. Then The next day I found out I had Mono and Strep throat... which leads me to my next question.... are you freaking kidding me? I would like to say that the last three months have been good, but they have sucked. I have been struggling with my stupid thyroid and all of those issues, and now this. I'm trying to stay positive, but I have to be honest and say that I'm sicking of feeling like total junk. My thought is, that in the New Year it can only get better right? Gosh I hope so. So the next few days (atleast) will consist of me laying around like a bum, trying to get healthy. I don't have time or money to be sick, so I'm hoping that God heals me quickly. I've slept the greater part of the past three days, and though I know I need it and it's good for me, I'm already bored. Oh well, I'll stop complaining now. I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and Happy New Year :)

Love

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ::Romans 12:9-10


Love. It is a word that we throw around a lot. Or at least I do. I "love" a whole lot of things/ people. But then I think about what God meant for the word love. I think that our biggest job as christians is to love. But I have to be honest and admit that sometimes I pretend to love people. It's not that I want to be fake, it's that sometimes people are unlovable (myself included). But these verses very clearly lay out that we should not just pretend to love others but we need to whole heartedly love them. It needs to be genuine and filled with the love of Christ. And when I think about it like that, I realize that I don't love a whole lot of things as Christ would. But that is my prayer... too love them like He does. 


It also says to hate what is wrong and hold tightly to what is good. Why is that so hard? Why do we naturally gravitate towards the wrong and take advantage of the good? Oh yeah... cause we are all lame sinners. It is so easy to get caught up in this world with the bad. After talking with a friend tonight, I realized that for way too long, I was consumed with things that were not good. And that people saw me as something that I didn't ever want to be. Now the great thing, is that God can change that and make it into something beautiful, and he has, and man he is amazing. But it is just so easy to do wrong, and so hard to do what is right. With that being said, my heart breaks for those who don't know Him. Because without God, I would be lost and would not love others. And in this world, there is so much wrong and very little good anymore. It breaks my heart... 


All you need is love. 

Broken

I am reading a book for work.. it's called A Tale Of Three Kings. I'm not a very good reader, so if we're being honest i've had to re-read a lot of it, to really understand what they are trying to tell me. But there was something that stuck out to me, and something that totally changed the way I thought. Brokenness. We are all broken people. Broken by all different kinds of things, and for different reasons. Society tells us that being broken is a weakness, something that we need to "get over" and learn from. However this book talks about how many times God needs us and wants us to be broken before he can use us fully. What? God wants me broken and weak? That just seems crazy. I remember singing a song many years ago, the lyrics were... " Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for... Brokenness is what I need..." I remember singing that song at church never really thinking about what I was singing and why God would want me to be broken. But the more i've thought about it, when we are broken we are at our weakest, and honestly probably more open to being used by God. Only when we are truly broken, can He come in and work in us and change us and use us. Such a simple thought. So with that being said... There is such beauty and potential in being broken...

Wedding Dress

The first time I heard this song, 3 years ago.. I really didn't know what to think. I liked it, but in all honesty I didn't totally understand it. So I put it on my ipod and would listen to it periodically. It wasn't until a few months ago, that I really sat and listened to it, that I understood what this song is about.

It's controversial and raw and really touches on things that we as christians and as the church need to think about. The song is talking about how we need to find fulfillment in Christ. And how when we find it in other things, we are whores..."I am a whore I do confess, But I put you on just like a wedding dress and I run down the isle"... I also think that God has a much more beautiful view of what marriage should be, and that we have it completely wrong.

Then he sings, "So could you love this bastard child"...wow. This is looking at people who are different, and sinners, and who don't know Jesus... do we get to know them and invest in them? Do we love them like Jesus would? Or do we pretend and "pray" for them, but keep them at a distance.

I like when artists call us out. Individually and as a church. I think that we all have the best of intentions but things go wrong. We mess it up. And slowly things get off track. He is calling us out. The really beauty in the song is this: We are whores. We are prodigals. But God makes us new and beautiful. Awesome. Simply awesome.

Thankful.

I have many blessing in my life to be thankful for. I have an overall idea that we should be grateful and thankful everyday of the year, not just on thanksgiving...However, I will take this holiday as an opportunity to thank God for all that He has given me. It is easy to focus on just the bad in our day to day life, but that is silly. When I focus on the positive, I find myself much happier with life as a whole. There is my list of things that I am grateful/thankful for...
-My amazingly crazy wonderful family
-My fantastic friends (even though many of them live way too far away
-An amazing job filled with great kids and even better co-workers
-A God that loves me more than I could ever imagine, and forgives me every time I mess up
-Noah, Jonah, and Leah...who are my favorite people in the whole world
-Getting to be a part of something as amazing as camp
-A place to live, with food, and everything I could ever need

I am blessed. Sure things in my life aren't always perfect, but God provides me with everything I need... I think it's important to fill my life with Thanksgiving to God. He gives and takes away. I find myself turning to God more in the icky times (which I think we all do this), rather than looking to him always. I get myself into these little situations, and then can't seem to get out of them without him. Oh hey I have an idea..why don't I look to Him from the beginning? Then maybe I won't be in crap situations...silly me.

I know it's normal that as a christian I go through spiritual highs and lows... but I don't want to say "it's normal" and have it be a cop out... There really is no excuse for a low time. He is always there, wanting me to draw nearer to him... but it's when I get busy or whatever that I pull. Dumb. I realized in the last week that I am in a low time, and if we're being honest it's because I realized that I had lost my bible and that I hadn't seen it in almost 2 weeks...and that's a problem. So to remedy that I am filling my bedroom with scripture. I have a blank wall, and I've already written some of my favorite verses and put them up. I love it and my hope is that when people come over, they will add their favorite verse to my wall. So if any of you reading this have any favorite verses...please share them, i'd love to add them! I just think that the best way to live my life is to be surrounded by His words and promises.

In the words of my sweet little Leah...Happy Skanksgiving! I prefer Happy Hossgiving!  Either way... lol.
Enter his gates with Thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4

When your love is all I need, And forever I am free...

So today as I was teaching my little kids sunday school class we were talking about sin. Sin is a super hard concept for me to fully understand, yet alone teach to a K-2 grader... but I did my best with it. I love that even as God is using me to teach others, I am learning so much. We talked about sin, and what it is, and God's love, and forgiveness. Then they asked about heaven... and as I tried to describe in words what heaven would be like, I felt as though I couldn't do it justice. And I can't. Because in my worldly form I cannot yet understand the greatness and awesomeness of heaven. So I was honest with them and told them that. Then we talked about what we thought heaven would be like. It was so awesome to hear their sweet and innocent thoughts about what eternity would be like. I got to share some of my favorite verses in Romans with them, and I felt as though they were actually understanding it.

"For everyone has sinned: we all fall short of God's glorious standard."- Romans 3:23
So I'm a sinner. I suck, and I fall short, and I disappoint any amazing God on a daily basis. I wish that I could say that those things weren't true, but they are. But it's okay, because I am forgiven by an indescribable savior. I am so unworthy of his love and forgiveness, but so thankful.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38
When I read these verses, I get the chills. Nothing can separate me from God. Not death, or satan, my fears and worries...Nothing. In a world that seems to let me down, and break my heart daily these verses give me so much hope. Life on earth is full of great times, and crappy times. And that's okay. Because eternity is going to be filled with total and complete awesomeness with God. Again, I will say it, I am so unworthy of God's love and grace, but I am so thankful for it.

I spent most of the sermon today thinking more about sin and heaven. Then I got in my car and one of my favorite hillsong songs was on...You hold me now. I love this song, and it always touches my heart as I sing the words of it. Here it is...

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name


Amazing. Simply amazing. I cannot wait to face to face with God. Reunited with those I have loved and lost, and surrounded by people worshipping my God. I need to be a light for those who do not yet know Him. So that someday they can be a part of something so amazing. Why is that I can go to camp and share Jesus with hundreds of people, but I struggle to share him with my family and people I care about the most? 

A whole lot of nothing

There is so much I want to say, but no matter how many times I say it and try to process it, it still makes no sense. I feel like I'm talking but not really saying anything. Even now...nothing. I love blogging. I love putting my thoughts onto "paper", well you know what I mean. But I find there to be this constant struggle of revealing too much, and not enough. I wish I could say all that I wanted to say right now, but I know I would regret it. So for now... all of this nonsense is all I will say. Fail...

Shut my mouth

Sometimes I am glad that God holds my tongue. In so many incidents there are so many things that I wish I would have said in the moment...but after the fact am so glad I didn't say. After many conversations I look back and think of 20 things I should have said differently. This week alone I have thought back on numerous conversations that I wish I would have done differently. So instead I replay the conversations in my head, and say what I should have said. Most of the time I kill the other person with my words...in my head anyways.
Funk. Right now I'm in a funk. I think that is the only way to describe it. I hope it passes soon, it's my favorite time of the year, and I don't want to waste it with this janky attitude. Ugh.
I am blessed to work where I do. I love love love the people that I get to work with everyday, and I seriously have some of the cutest kids ever. In the midst of my "funk" this week, my co-workers and the little cuties have brought so many smiles to my face. It is a wonderful thing. They are a blessing to me.

So I'm bored... don't judge.
35 days until Christmas
124 day until my Birthday
181 days until Camp

Someday...

I absolutely love this song. This song is my heart and what I look forward to someday. I have yet to find a guy that can lead me spiritually, but I know that God has someone perfectly made for me. I'll hold onto that hope and promise until He shows him to me...

It's the most wonderful time of the year.. again.

I know it's a bit early, but over the last two days I have spent much of my time decorating for Christmas. Judge if you want... but it's happening. I love Christmas. Whether it's Christmas in July at camp or real life Christmas it's fantastic all the same. I have this idea of what it should be. And so far, in my 24 years of life it has never met my expectations.... but I can hold on to that hope that someday it will.
This year, I thought might be the year.... but I have quickly realized that it will not. That's okay, I guess it will give me something to look forward too. Regardless, I love it all the same. I love to get people the perfect gift and then watch the Joy on their face as they open it. I love to see the christmas lights on the snow, and sing every christmas song that plays on the radio at the top of my lungs. I love to drive around and look at lights, drink hot cocoa, and play in the snow. I love to cuddle up by a fire and listen to it crackle and pop as I stare at the tree. All of these things make my heart happy, and I look forward to them each year. 
Having my own house to decorate is kind of amazing. I want people to walk into my house and instantly love christmas and have a smile on their face. I had great hopes of decorating the outside of my house, but unfortunately I don't see that happening anymore...fail. So I'll just have to make up for the outside, by totally going crazy on the inside. Prepare your hearts. 
Sometimes I think about how frustrated God must get with us...well me really. There He is wanting more than anything for me to fall more and more in love with Him each day, and I totally take advantage of Him and keep him on the side burner. He is number one, most of the time. What? That is so messed up. When I think about any guy that I've ever liked, and I think about how it takes a short time to decide you like someone and then begin falling for them and then I think about this amazing God who has been waiting for us to fall in love with Him our whole lives, it makes me sad. It's so stupid, really. I have this amazingly fantastic life changing God wanting me so desperately to fall more in love with Him... and what do I do, squeeze Him in when I have time. Not okay.  I wish that God was more tangible. I want to see him, talk to him, hold his hand, and give him the biggest hug I've ever given. In those moments I know that I will find true happiness and feel totally safe. What a glorious day that will be... selfishly I wish it could be now, but how sweet it will be. 
"Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." -Phillippians 4:7

It's been a while.

So it's been a long time. There are so many things that I'm still trying to process and that I want to write about. 

It's so hard coming home from camp. People don't understand what I do in the summer, so when they ask, "How was it?", I feel like I have about 15 seconds to give them an answer that could no way due my summer justice. I wish that people that knew me could watch just a day of camp, because only then could they understand what it is, and how amazing it is. 

With that being said.. it was a simply unbelievable summer. I got to see God work in so many amazing ways and the coolest part of it, is he uses someone like me to do his work. Being a site director I definitely got to experience camp in a different way. It was so cool to work all spring setting up the ministry sites and then getting to send students, staff, and youth leaders to go and serve at those places. It was awesome to go and visit them, and also just see their needs being met. 

In Matthew it says...

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

 "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'... Matthew 25:35-40


These are verses that we use the first night of camp to train the students on how to share the gospel and to explain to them the awesome privilege and challenge they have as they encounter new people. I love these verses because they so clearly tell us what we as christians are supposed to do. And yet we so easily get wrapped up in every day things that we totally miss what our purpose is. Clearly we cannot feed Jesus or clothe Him... But we can serve hIs people who don't know him and who don't have their basic needs being met. 


I struggle with the differences between camp me and everyday me. At camp I am serving others and worshipping him every second of the day and it's amazing. At home it's obviously not the same. At camp your surrounded by people doing the same thing, so I understand why it is the way it is, but it still leaves me feeling icky. 


I grow more in the 2-3 months of camp as a christian then I do in an entire year in my day to day life. My goal this year is to change that. So far it's been great.





People let me down, and I know that I let others down. But it sucks. Recently I was told that everyone will let you down, except for God. And as much as that statement makes me sad, I know it's true. But after really thinking about that, I realized how hard that is for me to handle, but I have a relationship with God which makes it okay. But then as I started to think about people who don't know him or those who don't believe in them, they have no one that they can depend on to never let them down. As I thought about that I felt so hopeless for them. I think about some of my close family members who don't know him, and wonder how they get through things without knowing that he's there taking care of them. 

I need to share him with others and those around me that I love and adore that don't know him. More importantly I need my life to be a daily testimony to how amazing he is and how much I love him, so that others can see that through me. I think that most christians need to step up in the area of missions and telling people about our God... myself included. 

Please pray for my sister... she's been having vision problems and headaches for the last 3 weeks straight. She can't read or do computer work and she's miserable. The doctors don't know what's wrong and every test they've done has come back totally normal. She is going to a neurologist because her family doctor think it could be Multiple Sclerosis , which is scary and not at all a good thing. The wierd thing though, is even as I talked to her today about it, she seemed at peace with it. She's scared and hopes it isn't some scary like that, but she just kept saying that if it's god's will it's okay. And though I totally agree with that, it still completely terrifies me for her. She is so strong and has influenced me so much as a christian, and even now as she is scared and looking at scary options she is solid as a rock. I love my sister, and I can't believe that this is God's plan for her life, I just need to find a way to support her and love her and help her during all of this... Please just continue to pray for her and her family....

I see many more blogs coming soon. I've got lots on my heart and mind...

Week 5

Well today starts week 5. It's crazy how fast this summer is going by. It has been a different experience being on leadership staff, but I definitely am loving it! Last night our coordinator took us out for our staff appreciation dinner. It was super fun and we all got dressed up and got to eat at a nice restaurant. Loved it!

Next week we have off and then we start our last week of camp. I love camp, and I'm super tired, but I'm not ready for it to be over yet. But for now I need to focus on the next 3 weeks, and not worry about anything after that...

This week God has been showing me some plans He has for my life. It's a bit scary, exciting, and awesome. But very different from what I had always thought. I don't know the details yet, and I know it won't be any time soon, but I do know that whatever it is, I am excited and cannot wait for God to use me in amazing ways...

Alright it's registration time... and honestly I'm sure this blog was a bit scattered, so it's time to go.

Happy 4th of July!!

Week 4..already?

Sorry I haven't been updating much. Camp keeps you busy, and being on leadership staff keeps you even busier! We start week 4 tomorrow.. I'm pretty pumped! I will update for real soon... but for now it's time for bed. Goodnight all!

Defining Moments

The theme at camp this summer is Defining Moments. We are teaching them about time, and how each person has defining moments that make them who they are. Last night in worship, the pastor talked a lot about salvation, and really just laid it out there, that if you're ready to make the decision... while he's praying he was going to count to 3 and on 3 stand up. As I watched the auditorium full of about 800 students and adults, I waited to see what the response would be, and to see how Christ would work during that time. As he counted to 3 close to 70 students stood up. And as I watched it happen, I got a chill because in a moments time... 70 believers were born. That was a defining moment in so many of their lives. After they stood they were directed to find their leaders and go talk with them out in the hallway. As I held the door open and student after student walked out the door, I looked at their faces. Many of them were rejoicing, many were crying... but one really stuck out to me. It was a boy who was probably 18 years old. Tall, athletic, strong.... And as he walked by I looked at his face and he was red, and swollen, and crying his heart out.... and through the tears he had a smile on his face. Seeing this face was one of my favorite parts of yesterday.... it was so real, and so broken, and so completely in love with a God that he had just really started to get to know.... it was a good reminder about what camp is about. It's not about stress, and the details, it's about students, children, and adults coming to know christ and their lives being forever changed. 


This last week God has been really laying Romans 8:38-39 on my heart... here it is.


"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."


Every time I read that verse I am overwhelmed with feelings of love, faith, and just feeling so unworthy of his love and grace, but so grateful that He offers it to me over and over again so freely. 


Alright time to go visit my staff at their ministry sites... pray for boldness as they go out and share God with the city of Jackson... pray that God will use them in mighty ways, and that through serving they will grow and learn more about Him!

Training Week...

Well training week has been going super well... and on monday we start camp! It is such a crazy, wonderful, and slightly terrifying time... but I cannot wait for camp to get started! My team is fantastic... I cannot wait to work with them and see how God is going to use each and every one of them this summer! Yesterday was the Mfuge site luncheon... I have been working and planning that since early February, and I am happy to say that it went fantastic! One of the site contacts (who has worked with mfuge for years) told a track leader that this year was the most organized and well put together that she has ever worked with... which made me happy since I feel like at times it has been a mess... apparently not for them though! yay!

Tomorrow is our day off... My plans are to get some sleep, do some laundry, hang out with the staff, and then we are going to a baseball game at night! I am pretty excited. Well that's all I have time for right now but here is a picture of my team..yay!

It's the most wonderful time of the year..

It's camp time again. I left last thursday and headed to Ridgecrest North Carolina for leadership training... it went well and it was so beautiful there! Then monday morning, my team and I headed to Jackson! 12 hours later, we made it to mississippi college campus! Today we spent the day unloading, reloading, and then unloading supplies again. And of course in the middle of all of that craziness there was a torrential downpour... fantastic! It was a super long day, but we all hossed it and got it all done! Right now it's just the leadership staff here, and they are wonderful! The rest of the team gets in on Thursday... and then training begins!

Alright it's time to get some site director stuff done... I am going to try my hardest to update often, but I can't make any promises... peace out.

It's that time again...

Life has been busy, and I have been horrible about updating this lately. But it's camp time, which means I will be MUCH better about my blog! I leave for training on Thursday! YAY! Here is my address for the summer... feel free to send me fun stuff ;)


Address if sending packages:
Jessa Scenga
FUGE Staff
Mississippi College
200 S. Capitol St.
Clinton, MS 39058


Address for letters:
Jessa Scenga
FUGE Staff
Mississippi College
P.O. Box 4041
Clinton, MS 39058

Idols...

I went to lighthouse tonight.. I have been kinda bummed lately and haven't been able to kick it. Going tonight was exactly what I needed. We sang some amazing songs, that spoke right to my heart. The study right now is on idols.. and how we can make anything into an idol. It was a real wake up call to some areas in my life. Things that started off innocent, but in time began to totally consume me. I have all of these "things" that I want for my life, and I trust that if they are the desires of my heart that God will bless them. Two things that I need to remember are...
1. I need to fully surrender myself to him and his will.
2. I need to give up all things that distract me from doing that.


One of the songs that we sang really just helped me to understand all of this tonight... here it is.


Arms Open Wide- Hillsong United


Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God

Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God

Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way

Geez.

This week has been crazy at work. It has been a really hard week, and I am very much looking forward to the weekend...Honestly this week at work has been super hard. The kids are all off, they are all getting sick and it's been craziness.. But instead of focusing on all of the bad parts, I am going to share with you some things about my job that I have LOVED this week...

1. Being told by a two year old that I am strong like Jesus
2. Getting approximately 83 toddler sized kisses
3. Being asked to "Snuggle" 5-10 times a day
4. Listening to a two year old sit on the potty singing Jesus Loves the Little Children
5. Asking my kids who their friend is and having them respond "JESUS!"
6. Having 3 kids want to do my hair at the exact same time! They have such fun, and it is so calming for me!
7. Walking in the room in the morning, and having 6 kids come at me wanting a hug!
8. Being told by a two year old, that they "Love me too much!"

It can be crazy.... and with 2 year olds it often is... but I adore them! :)

Waiting.

So here I sit.. at the Detroit Metro Airport. I hate flying. But I do it when I have to. But man does it stress me out. From the time I got all checked in, until the time my flight leaves is almost three hours... so here I sit getting more and more anxious and nervous... But luckily I have my laptop, so it's helping the time to go a little quicker! But our stupid airport doesn't have free WIFI, so I had to pay...LAME! lol. Oh well, it was worth it i guess. So sometimes I feel like no one reads this.. but IF anyone does, please pray for me this weekend! I am very nervous and anxious about it  and I know that the only way I will get though it is with prayer and ultimately God!

So yesterday while my kids were in the gym, I put on a praise cd... and I started singing, and dancing, and clapping and having fun. One by one, each of the kids started doing the same! It was so amazing. As I watched them sing and dance I couldn't help but feel like we were worshipping Him together! And the best part was hearing 2 years olds singing "Yes Lord, Yes Lord"... This went on for almost a half hour and it brought tears to my eyes... that's what it's all about. That is why I do what I do.. Because I love kids and want to plant those seeds into them now! It was one of the best experiences of my life!

Alright.. i'm done. I'm going to pray and try to calm myself lol... Have a great weekend everyone!

Whew..

This weekend has thrown me for a loop. It has been filled with many hard thingss, huge changes in plans, and a lot of time spent talking to God. All in all, it's been pretty challenging. However, even in the midst of all of this, there has been a theme... and it's God. My life lately has been a struggle in some areas and I thought that I had done a really good job of hiding that, but it came very clear that that was not true, and that my struggles were seeping into other areas. But with that, God showed me how He works in me. God finds people and situations to hold me accountable, and though it was hard... it needed to be heard. 


Let me explain some of this a little. I want to move out.. a lot! I'm very ready and everything was falling into place perfectly... and because it seemed so perfect, I really didn't spend a lot of time talking to God about if it was right for me... instead I jumped ahead, got myself super excited... and then Friday, it all fell through... He held me accountable to the fact that I didn't really pray about it at all, and just went with it... and it wasn't right for me, so he stopped it. And I'm glad He did...I just feel like I'm back at square one.


This weekend was filled with many similar situations... some easier to process and some harder... But through them all, I know that I need to focus on working on the junk in my life, which will bring me closer to Him.. And so in the end... It's all okay.


I'm so glad that I have Him in my life. And that through all things I can always see Him. I don't know how I would get through my life, without Him, and I'm glad I don't have to find out.
I'm also glad that no matter what happens, he is there to guide me, and catch my when I fall...


This morning I woke up with these lyrics stuck in my head...
"Strength with rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, I will wait upon the Lord..."
And I thought it was weird because I haven't heard that song in probably 6 months... and then I walked into church this morning, and that was the first song that we sang... it was one of those moments, where I feel God's presence and I am blown away... it was so amazing.


One last thing... In church today we looked at these verses, and they applied to my life right now in amazing ways...
"Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." -Romans 12:9-12


And once again, I was blown away by how He takes all areas of my life to teach me and show me things, and how though I don't always see it, it all works together in some way... He really amazing, and totally blows my mind constantly. I am so unworthy and so undeserving of his love and grace, and yet he gives it to me so willing and so abundantly... I cannot even describe how I am feeling right now... and that's okay. Nothing earthly can describe His greatness. 

A new year...

Happy New Year. It's 2010... Man, I am starting to feel old. 2009 was a great year, and I hope that 2010 is even better. I have a list of things I hope to accomplish this next year, and I'm hoping that God's list for me is the same as mine!

Many nights I have a hard time falling asleep. Normally I would lay in bed annoyed, and eventually angry that I couldn't fall asleep. This happens usually about once a week. Last semester it was every sunday night... and the glorious part of that is that I would have to be to work Monday mornings at 6:15... So falling asleep at 1 or 2, wasn't really the best idea. This happened tonight. I got into bed around 2... And by 2:30 I realized I just wasn't ready to fall asleep. At first it made me mad cause I was tired and wanted to sleep, but then I realized maybe I'm up for a reason...

So I decided to read my bible. And I decided that anytime I can't sleep, I will get up and read my bible until God is ready for me to go to bed. Because clearly, laying in bed for 2 hours trying to fall asleep is a waste of time, and I could be spending my time in a way that is so much better... Oh and I also decided to be better about either blogging or writing in my journal about what I have read.. I think it helps to process it, and maybe even get some feedback on it!

Last year for Christmas I got this awesome one year bible... I got about a month into it and then got lazy with it, and never continued. It is my goal to read through the Bible this year. Please pray for me with this. I am bad with commitments like this and I am also known for starting a book and never finishing... but I really want to do this... And if you see me and remember, ask me about how i'm doing... accountability is a wonderful thing!

So I read day one. It was the first 3 chapters of Genesis. And though I've read the creation story many times, I picked up some new things tonight. Let me start of by saying, sometimes when I read the bible I laugh and I think that God must have a great sense of humor. I love the way things are written, and sometimes I feel as though I totally understand the authors personality as I read... does that make sense?

Anyways... I love that after the first 7 days God looks at all that he has made and says, "And it was very good". I like this because in my mind, I think about it as.. DUH! It's good, you made it! Could it be anything else? But I also think that that is a very relatable thought process. If I work hard at something (nothing any where near as amazing at what He does btw), when I'm done I like to look at it and feel good about my work. In that moment I can relate to how God felt in that moment... on some level.

As I read about God creating Adam I stopped to really think about how He did it...

"The the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person." --- What?! That is the most amazing thing that I have ever heard. I can't even imagine how fantastic that must have been, and I wish more than anything that I could see it... Is anyone with me on this? And then I felt the same way again, as I read about how He Eve... Taking a rib from him to create her... Wow.

Then I read about their sin. And I have to be honest, I kind of approached these verses with some negativity I think. Probably because we've all joked about how it's all Eve's fault for tempting Adam..blah blah blah. But then I read it, and all of that went away. My heart really focussed in on this:

"God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God knowing both good and evil"

I have read this story many times, but I don't think that I have ever really thought about what that verse meant. And looking at it, I feel kind of silly. But tonight I got something totally new from it. I know that before this event, there was no sin. And that because of it, there was. God told them not to eat it, so that we would only know good, and not evil. Now clearly, He knew what would come, but He didn't want us to have to know of evil. The stupid snake was satan tempting her and she gave into that temptation, and because of it, everything changed drastically.

That verse also made me realize how powerful our words are. The snake was able to make it sound like God was keeping something from them by saying, "you will know both good and evil", but really He was keeping bad from us. As a christian I have the power and ability to use my words to do quite a few things: help others, lift people up, glorify God etc.. or I can use my words poorly and hurt others, tear people down, and turn people away... The scary thing is, is most of the time, I don't think we purposely try to use our words for bad, but if we aren't wholeheartedly using our words for Good, we are no different then that snake.

I have never in my life had the desire to read something and pick it apart piece by piece like I have done tonight. My prayer is, is that God will continue to help me to do this. I feel like I have really learned a lot tonight from reading this, and I want more than anything for this to continue...

I hope this did not bore you...