As I sat at Thanksgiving dinner, I thought back to a year ago... when I told myself, "this time next year, I'll have a serious boyfriend to bring to holiday stuff"... only here I am a year later, in the exact same position. And then as I looked around at all of my cousins, I realized that I am one of the only few left that isn't married or engaged... and that didn't help me to feel any better. Then I had two pretty horrible thoughts...
1. Am I going to be single forever?
And 2. Is there something wrong with me, and that's why I'm single?
Don't get me wrong.. I'm not desperate.. and I won't settle for any guy who comes my way... I'm frustrated and I'm ready to find THE guy for me. I'm just ready. Ready for a real relationship, ready to be thinking about marriage, and ready to have a family.
And in my mind, I think... Well if I'm single because God's not ready for me not to be... than I'm okay with it. And honestly I only want to be in a relationship if it's what God wants for me... I'm just sick of waiting. And the holidays certainly don't help at all...
I just need some reassurance that neither of my horrible thoughts are true.
I know that God has a plan for me, and that it's better than anything that I could ever plan for myself, and that is so exciting. But I also am impatient. And I need some hope that it will happen.. and hopefully sooner rather than later...ugh.
That's all.
Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful and blessed.
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