Some thoughts...

First of all, I am happy to announce that I got my test results back and everything is good! PTL!!! I am so happy to have these last two months done and over with, and am ready to move on with my life.

I find myself looking forward to this summer. Actually, most days I can't wait to get to camp and start my summer. And it's not because I hate my life or job or anything like that. I actually love my job, and feel good about going to school. I think it's more about wanting to go and serve others all day everyday. We as christians were made to serve. Serve God and Serve others. But why does it take me going to camp, to make me serve others? I don't need to be at christian camp to do what I was made to do. I should be serving everyone that I come into contact with on a daily basis.

As I took katie for her fuge interview, I was so glad that I was given the oppurtunity to work camp. I found myself, thinking about every aspect of camp while we were in Louisville. From the youth that I met each week, to the kids that I taught while serving, to the youth leaders that I was able to encourage, as they encouraged me. And then I thought about the 28 amazing people that I got to work camp with. 29 strangers, all there for the same purpose... to serve God and serve others. In 8 weeks, they went from strangers to family. And it's sad that at the end of summer we all dispersed all over the country. I have stayed close with many of those amazing people, and I learned so much about myself, about life, and about my relationship with God because of them. And together we encountered hundreds of youth, kids, adults and families.

It was hard to leave Charleston. It was hard to leave my "family" at the end of last summer. It was hard to return back to "normal" when I got home. But the hardest thing was coming home, and not being able to truly explain to people what my summer was like. Because until you've worked camp, or maybe even just been to Fuge, you can't understand. Sometimes when I say I am working a christian camp, I feel as though people laugh at me a little bit. M-fuge is not your typical "youth camp". It's bible study, it's worship, it's serving the community, it's changing lives, changing the world, and changing who you are. It changed me. For the better. God used me to bring 9 kids to the Lord. And through my camp location alone, 160 youth came to know the lord. It wasn't me, It was Christ in me that did it.

I've been back for 6 months. And not a day goes by that I don't think about this summer. I think about my friends, or a youth that was having a hard time, or even just the face of a precious child who I met and loved on.

Here are some pictures from my summer.


Haley, Lily and I. These girls didn't have much. But they were happy and loved life.


Sometimes we act crazy!


Sweet little Talia. Such an adorable 3 year old. I wish I could have brought her home with me.


Ghetto slip and slide at 1 am... why not? :)


One final thought...
Never in my life have I ever been so exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually... and yet every picture I am in, I look happier than I ever have in any picture. Once again, it gets back to doing what God created us to do- serve and love.

Waiting

I've always had a hard time waiting. Waiting for something to happen, waiting to see someone, or even just waiting to go buy something that I want. This is something that I have really tried to work on in my own life. Because I can't control everything... and often I can't control anything. The last few months I have had to wait. Wait on doctors. Wait on progress. Wait on results. 

I have some pretty big news coming my way anytime now. And honestly the news is results that I should have had back a few weeks ago. But instead of knowing my fate, I am stilling having to wait. Could this be God teaching me something? 

Honestly, I am pretty confident that everything is going to come back okay. But I don't know that for sure, and I won't until a doctor confirms it.

Over the last few weeks I have had many awesome people asking me if I have heard anything yet... and I always respond with "No, they didn't have the results yet, but should by this friday". 

As I responded with that for probably the 50th time this week, I had a thought... Why am I not calling my doctor everyday to get answers? Why am I okay with just waiting to be told the results?

Is it that I really am that confident that it is okay? Or is it more along the lines of I'd rather pretend that everything is fine as long as I can? 

After much thought, I still don't know the answer to these questions...

cutie

Sweet little Snow Bunny!

Tonight my niece and nephews came over and I watched them so that my sister and brother in law could go help kids get ready for mid-terms at their school. My nephews who are 2 1/2 and almost 4 were crazy! And Leah (the precious baby you see above) screamed the entire 3 hours that she was at my house... okay maybe not the whole time, but for real 2 hours of it. She has really bad acid reflux and is in pain most of the time, and it breaks my heart to hear her cry the way she does. I was going crazy by the time they left and then I stumbled upon this picture in my computer and it made me forget (momentarily) about all of the screaming that had taken place tonight... She is so beautiful and so cute and even when she screams and screams, I still absolutely adore her. That's all. Goodnight.

Crazy...

I just finished watching the movie Twister (for probably the 50th time).  I have always said that I would like to some day like in the south, if God ever wanted to call me there... and that is still something that is true. However, now I am going to pray that if God  does want me to move south, that He never sends to me to Tornado Alley. People who live there are crazy... no offense. 

Precious

If you know me, you know that I love kids. I adore everything about them. They are so sweet and innocent, and so curious about everything. And I genuinely enjoy spending time with them. 

Lately (the last few weeks anyways), I haven't had the patience for them that I usually do, and that I want to have. This bothered me. Because they deserve better than that. I'm assuming that the lack of patience was because of some stuff going on in my life that I am worrying about, but I just felt like doing the kids in my life a unjustice. 

Most of my life involves me interacting with children. I mean my nephews, niece, cousins, work, and church all involve amazing little kids. 

This week has been different. I feel like I'm back to "normal" (whatever that may be for me). I have found myself loving every minute I have spent with those precious kids. They light up my life in a way that nothing and no one else have ever been able to do. 

Today one of my kids that probably makes me the most crazy, but that I also absolutely adore told me he loved me more than his Christmas presents. Now to a 3 year old, I'm going to guess that that is a lot of love. And all day he told me that he wanted to help my boo boo feel better. He spent time patting my back because that's what his mommy does when he doesn't feel good. And he even picked up a pen for me off the floor, so that I would have to "hurt my boo boo". 

At first I thought that he was just being sweeter and more helpful than usual... but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was something more. I had more patience and love for him, and was able to just really love on him all week. And in return, when I needed it, he loved on me. 

Tonight my nephews were over and they are crazy. But man do I love them. I spent time reading books to them and playing with cars and blocks (we always do these things). And they just spent the evening only wanting me. Not grandma and grandpa or their parents, but aunt jesse. I truly believe that kids can sense when people need them. They knew that I needed some cuddle time and that I was worried about something, and they just loved on me. It was great. The time I spent with little ones today was precious. They are precious. 

Once again, I thank God for allowing me to spend my days with such amazing little people.